The Absurd Report

Cape Cod is no place for Puritans

New England resort within sight of Plymouth Rock sees sex offence prosecutions triple in four years.

Call it Cape Cod-piece. The genteel holiday region, which sells itself as one of the last bastions of old-fashioned New England reserve, has launched a crackdown on the growing number of gay orgies taking place on its famed sand dunes.
[…]
Reported misdeeds included “flashing” and public masturbation, but most worrying for local tourist chiefs were several cases of nude orgies involving up to 30 men.

Police records show that a string of family holidays were rudely interrupted by scenes of outdoor hanky-panky. A New Jersey family walking with children in the park’s dunes in September apparently encountered “several couples and then a large group of men having group sex in the nude, including oral and anal sex”.

SideBear: Do you think the police should use “Mr. Clean” to disinfect this crowd?

Read more from Independent.co.uk

Serial Dishonesty
Another chapter in the strange world of prominent Democrats. Most of them [Gore, Kerry, Clintons, etc.] seem to have this same pathology.

It’s an uncontrollable urge to pad their usually inconsequential resumés with lies, that are not only clumsy, but also likely to be uncovered. Shades of Madame Hillary and her name [Sir Edmund]; and her alleged sniper interlude. Of course movement Democrats call such revelations “petty”. They want us to talk about “issues” instead. To agree with them, that character doesn’t count. Fine. But then the question we have for them is this: If Republicans were guilty of such serial dishonesty, would they be as “tolerant”? I think not. I know not! - by Jim Mc

Obama’s Story About Dad’s Kennedy Link is ‘Confused,’ Fact Checker Writes

Barack Obama credits a Kennedy administration program for bringing his father to the United States, an event which eventually led to Obama’s conception.

Not quite, says The Washington Post’s Fact Checker.

Calling Obama’s chronology “extremely confused,” the Post’s Michael Dobbs attempts to set the record straight.

Dobbs writes that Kenyan leader Tom Mboya — not Kennedy — organized the 1959 and 1960 airlifts that supposedly brought Obama’s father to the United States. Dobbs also writes that the airlifts were in response to Kenyan political situation, not — as Obama has suggested — a Kennedy program to improve the U.S. image abroad (Kennedy didn’t take office anyhow until 1961).

Obama made the claim last year in a speech commemorating the historic civil rights march in Selma, Ala. He also said that when Obama Sr. found himself at the march in Selma, he met the Democratic presidential contender’s mother, and the rest — as Obama tells it — is history.
[…]

And as far as Obama’s claim that he apparently was a result of his parents’ union at the 1965 march: That, too, isn’t possible — without a time machine, Dobbs says. Obama was born in 1961.

Source: Fox News

Sniffer dogs to wear ‘Muslim’ bootees

Police sniffer dogs will have to wear bootees when searching the homes of Muslims so as not to cause offence.

Guidelines being drawn up by the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) urge awareness of religious sensitivities when using dogs to search for drugs and explosives. The guidelines, to be published this year, were designed to cover mosques but have been extended to include other buildings.

SideBear: Has Western Civilization lost their collective minds? Maybe instead of wearing bootees… they should be booted out.

Read More from TimesOnline

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