The Absurd Report

AMERICA’S WAR CHICK

Have you seen the news lately? OK, so it’s a really retarded question, but how else does one address the overwhelming sense of foreboding and downright foolishness playing out on life’s stage right now?

We have China in complete control of the Panama Canal, eight major US ports being purchased by an enemy nation—and make no mistake, the United Arab Emirates ARE our enemy—conservatives calling anyone who has a problem with this sale “racist,” and in about 30 days Iran will be converting all oil sale purchases from the dollar to the Euro in a depression-spawning move known as the Iranian Bourse.

With our own leaders foaming at the mouth at the thought of all the filthy lucre they can roll around in naked, the only person I could think of talking to for a logical, reasonable, and right opinion was a man who knows where we are heading because it is the same place from which he ran away: Alex. He immediately sent me a link so I could study up on the Iranian Bourse, and after I read it, we had a long talk.

WARCHICK: Alex, from someone who knows Islam thinking inside and out, tell America about the dangers of the port sales and the Iranian Bourse. Give your take on the sales of the US ports to Dubai first.

Alex: Well… it makes perfect sense that Dubai wants to control US ports. Ports are how they made their money in the first place. Dubai has zero oil-wealth, but it is one of the largest trade zones in the world.

WARCHICK: Bush keeps saying that the UAE are our allies…are they?

Alex: Nope…they are closest to Saudi…and after that to Pakistan. It’s a liberal country with a very conservative Wahhabi underbelly…but they let people do what they want because it brings in tons of money.

WARCHICK: Then why would Bush want enemies in charge of our ports?

Alex: Probably because they are paying very, very good money, and the US is severely strapped for cash.

WARCHICK: I sense something’s not right here. I mean, the Chinese already control the Panama Canal, which is vital for movement of Navy ships between the two oceans. Why would we want another enemy nation owning any part of America, let alone eight of its ports?

Alex: Look, Bush just asked for a huge budget for the war, didn’t he?

WARCHICK: Yep…I get where you’re going. That doesn’t make me feel any better.

Alex: Don’t forget the huge naval/trading port the Chinese are financing in Pakistan on the Arabian Sea. Remember I once told you about China’s blue water navy controlling oil shipping thru that base?

WARCHICK: That’s right…you told me all about that. You wanted to know why China was helping to build a “commercial port” that was large enough to handle aircraft carriers and massive warships.

Alex: Exactly. And remember… the one who controls a commodity (ANY commodity) is not the one who produces it, or who transports it, buys it, or sells it… the REAL control lies with he who can DESTROY it… get the picture? All you need is to position some resources at strategic “choke points.”

WARCHICK: It just sank in

Alex: So if your enemies control major oil routes… it’s all over.

WARCHICK: Why? Why would Bush do this? And don’t tell me it’s just for the money!

Alex: Bush is probably too stupid to realize this

WARCHICK: No way…he has advisers who would tell him this is a big mistake.

Alex: Not if they’ve been bought off.

WARCHICK: Money AGAIN? Are my brethren willing to sell out our nation for money?

Alex: Every man has 2 things: a price and a limit for pain after which he will talk.

WARCHICK: Well, I knew about the second one, but not the first one. Foolish me, I thought most men still had integrity.

Alex: There’s always blackmail to “persuade” the ones with morals.

WARCHICK: What can we do, Alex? Please, there must be something we can do to stop this.

Alex: From what I understand there really is nothing that can legally be done about this. The deal is completely on the level…and DPW (Dubai Ports World) is willing to offer every concession and control to the coast guard and customs.

WARCHICK: Sure, it’s easy to make concessions when they know we’ll be lax, just like we were with the 911 hijackers. There should have been several catch points for them, and they all failed because of America’s affirmative action waste bin. We’ve all become too fat and lazy to do our jobs well.

Alex: You haven’t got any safety nets left. Honestly speaking? I don’t think DWP would ever try helping in a terrorist strike… but even without that controlling your ports is a lot of power and a lot of money.

WARCHICK: They have to be up to something…no one would pay out that much money if they didn’t have plans to get something big back in return. If Dubai isn’t doing this to help with a terrorist attack, then ARE they our friend?

Alex: They’re not friends…that much is certain.

WARCHICK: Something’s up here…

Alex: The thing to work out is whether they are in it for their gain, or your loss.

WARCHICK: Any bets which one? And who says they can’t have both if they play their cards right?

Alex: Exactly what I was going to say. In any case I’m sorry to have to say this, but the US as a superpower has AT MOST 40 years left… but if the current trend continues it’ll be around 20-25 years.

WARCHICK: I know. Many of us have been saying the same thing…only we weren’t as generous. When the fall comes, I fear it will literally be in a matter of months, not years.

Alex: That’s possible.

WARCHICK: You first wrote to me because you didn’t want to see the world under the control of Islam and/or communism—Islammunism, as I call them. You must have believed America still had it in her to win when you wrote that to me. Do you think we can be saved?

Alex: Maybe, but it’ll take a Herculean effort.

WARCHICK: You never did answer whether or not you thought that Dubai or any of their “friends” were counting on us being lax this time too…do you think that’s part of their plan?

Alex: They’re probably counting on your being lax on the DEAL…which gives them a foothold in the US… after which they can start buying into America even more than they already are. You do know that Saudis own 7% of Wall Street?

WARCHICK: Yes…and chunks of all of our major news networks.

Alex: Exactly. Here’s a scenario. Iran launches the bourse. Venezuela joins in. Dollar starts dropping, Saudi investors are tipped off that American economy is weakening, they unload their 7%, investor confidence in NYSE and NASDAQ plummets, everyone tries to cash out before it hits rock bottom.

WARCHICK: Oh my gosh…Alex, Venezuela is selling heating oil to many of our northeastern states this winter. I was trying to figure out what Chavez’s angle is…what if he started insisting on being paid not in dollars but in Euros too? Forcing millions of Americans to use the Euro…is that a possibility?

Alex: That’s almost a certainty because in the articles on this that I’ve read Chavez has already signaled his consent to join the Iranian Bourse.

WARCHICK: So that’s why the smarmy bastard was so willing to sell to Americans…he wants our own people to cement our fall. Gotta hand it to the evil little despot…pretty cunning.

Alex: He isn’t a despot…he was elected.

WARCHICK: Right…elected. The worst President in American history certified it himself. (Sarcasm intended.) The world is a mess, and America seems to be the target of every nation out there. First, poor to whom to sell their cheap heating oil—a move that is likely to gain Chavez brownie points among minority groups. That was a plan; strategic, deliberate, and rooted in wicked designs—he is plainly trying to curry favor with Americans while pitting them against one another. Next, we have all 14,000 of Venezuela’s gas stations up for sale. Chavez is not going to sell to US anymore because he claims we tried to kill him. (Well, we can dream, can’t we?) Dubai is buying up all of the gold there is…they will not deal in paper anymore. It is a downright frenzy of moving gold to Dubai…they are about to own all of the world’s gold, and I can’t even begin to put into words the terror of an Islamic nation controlling the world’s gold. It is almost too overwhelming. Alex, if you were President, with all you’ve seen and know, what would be your plan of action?” target=”_blank”>Venezuela targets American minorities and poor to whom to sell their cheap heating oil—a move that is likely to gain Chavez brownie points among minority groups. That was a plan; strategic, deliberate, and rooted in wicked designs—he is plainly trying to curry favor with Americans while pitting them against one another. Next, we have all 14,000 of Venezuela’s gas stations up for sale. Chavez is not going to sell to US anymore because he claims we tried to kill him. (Well, we can dream, can’t we?) Dubai is buying up all of the gold there is…they will not deal in paper anymore. It is a downright frenzy of moving gold to Dubai…they are about to own all of the world’s gold, and I can’t even begin to put into words the terror of an Islamic nation controlling the world’s gold. It is almost too overwhelming. Alex, if you were President, with all you’ve seen and know, what would be your plan of action?

Alex: First off I’d get the NSF (National Science Foundation) to develop an alternate energy source, YESTERDAY.

WARCHICK: Great move…stop our dependency. Stop giving so much money and control to our enemies.

Alex: Then I would start stockpiling gold, platinum and palladium, and America, you HAVE to put a stop to welfare.

WARCHICK: Absolutely! The government tit has killed us. Would you go on ahead with the sale?

Alex: I’m not even thinking of the sale… I’m telling you what I would do from a long-term perspective. The problem with America is you always solve the current problem, never look at what will be happening 100 or even 20 years from now.

WARCHICK: FDR and Johnson’s Great Society had to be the two biggest communist-styled blunders that America made in the 20th century. Short sighted and utterly destructive to the future.

Alex: Look at the Jews! They plan by the millennia.

WARCHICK: Now that is weird…a Muslim telling me to watch the example of the Jews.

Alex: I admire the Jews.

WARCHICK: I remember you saying that.

Alex: Any race that has the patience that they’ve shown deserves my admiration.

WARCHICK: Amen. That’s a nation that knows about survival.

It’s what Alex didn’t say that has me the most bothered. While his sentiment about the mistakes America has made up to this point are right on the money with what he has said in the past, his hints that our current woes have passed the point of no return leave me frantic as to how we will find our way to the other side and begin the difficult task of restoring America to its constitutional roots. I mean, if Alex, who desperately wants America to remain the dominant power in the world, thinks it’s already too late, and that we may not be up to the tremendous effort it will take to restore our nation, then where is the hope?

We have 30 days until the collaboration of the Euro countries, the Middle Eastern countries, and even South American countries will come together like a dark bumper of clouds before the storm. That’s only 10 days less than Noah’s storm.

I’m sure America could build a great boat, but what port would we use?

Keep the faith, bros, and in all things courage…we’re going to need it.

SO SAYS WARCHICK, Resa LaRu Kirkland
Columnist/Writer/Speaker/Military Historian/The Anti-Feminist!
Agree with RESA at: http://www.warchick.com
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